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Writer's pictureTamina Nothhelfer

3 Ways to Effectively Manage Conflict

Conflict can be a very difficult thing for many of us. It can feel threatening, scary and simply uncomfortable. However, conflict is a normal part of life and is going to happen to all of us eventually.


In this blog post, I will be discussing 3 Ways to Effectively Manage Conflict. The three strategies we’re going to be talking about are reflect, retreat and respond.


1.     Reflect

When being faced with conflict, the best first thing to do is reflect. Ask yourself:

What is it that’s coming up? What is the conflict about? How do I feel about it? Where is it coming from?

This is a good time to notice your first reaction, maybe you’re surprised, angry, sad or anxious. Once you become aware of this, it's a good time to take a pause (whether that’s seconds, minutes, hour or even days) before responding and allowing yourself a little bit of time to digest the information.


2.      Retreat

Retreat gives us a chance to reflect on how the conflict is handled.

Ask yourself:

Is this happening in a good/safe place? Is this a good time for me? Am I and the person I am talking to in the right state for this conversation?

You might find that the person that you’re talking to is very angry.  The it may be useful to say: “I really want to talk about this with you, but you seem really angry/you seem really upset. However when you’re this angry/this upset, I just don’t think we’re able to find a good resolution to our conflict. Is it okay if we talk about this later?” or  “The language that you’re using right now is very aggressive, you’re swearing at me and that’s not something I’m able to deal with” or even “This is not something I am able to talk to you about right now, but I would like to talk to you later”.


3.      Respond

Eventually we do have to respond to the conflict. However, by now we’ve had some time to reflect on what the conflict is, how it came about and how we’re going to talk about it. Before we respond, we can ask ourselves:

What do I actually want to say? Do I have any goals to resolve this conflict? What would be a good outcome for me/both of us? What do I want the other person to know?

Here it can be good to reflect on any remaining feelings on our side, maybe I am also hurt, maybe I am also angry and maybe this is something that is affecting us both equally.

Incorporating this into my response can lead to more strategic and successful conflict resolution.

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