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Facilitating Better Communication with Others

Writer's picture: Tamina NothhelferTamina Nothhelfer
communication, relationship, relationship issues, problems, couple, relationship goals, anxiety

Have you ever felt like ‘you’re not listening when I am talking to you’ or ‘whenever I say something it becomes about you and not me'.


This is an experience that can happen to us with anyone, whether that’s partners, friends, family or people at work. When this happens we may feel frustrated and angry, and even anxious and sad.


Something that can be a helpful tool is, how we communicate with others. When our messages are expressed entirely from an ‘opinion perspective’, they can often sound very personal and others could become offended by them. However, expressing things as an experience can help facilitate positive conversations.


Let’s look at an example. If I say: “When we’re in … situation, I feel like you don’t care about me” or “When … happens, I feel like you don’t love me”, you are giving someone an opinion. This might be based on feelings like sadness, abandonment or anger. However, the person you are speaking to is not able to see that and therefore doesn't have an understanding of your experience. Instead, if you were to say: “When we’re in … particular situation, I feel sad” or “When … happens, I feel insecure” or “When … occurs I feel angry”, rephrases it to an experiential perspective. This allows someone to hear your perspective without feeling attacked.


The experiental perspective works because often the people we are speaking to do love, care about and respect us. By confronting them with phrases like “you don’t love me” or “you don’t care about me”, they’re going to feel hurt or offended. When we feel hurt and offended, any conversation we have is going to be more aggressive than intended and can draw focus away from you and your message.


Communication is key to any relationship. If any of these signs feel familiar to you, it can be useful to seek help, whether that's personally or as a couple. If you wish to do so, you can book a free initial consultation today.

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