Trauma & (Broken) Trust

If you have experienced traumatic events, which can include traumatic breakups, traumatic events or traumatic relationships, it can significantly impact your ability to trust others.

In this article, I will examine how unresolved trauma affects your ability to form healthy relationships, both romantic and platonic (ex. friendships, siblings, etc.) ?

Traumatic experiences include events that leave us feeling emotionally (and sometimes physically) impaired. You may notice feelings of fear, anxiety and changes in behaviour and other aspects of functioning.

Often traumatic events are overwhelmingly distressing, stressful and frightening. Due to this combination of events and often the unexpected nature of traumatic events, it can easily feel as though we loose a sense of control.

When a sense of control is lost, things we previously believed to be certain become uncertain and we find it difficult to trust in the world around us. This can, of course, apply to our relationships (even with people we have known for a long time).

Of couse, safety is first and foresmost and we shouldn’t build relationships with people that make us feel unsafe. However, when we are traumatised we can often feel unsafe everywhere/with anyone. For those who have experienced traumatic events, it can be very difficult to see the difference.

In order to build relationships, we have to give others a chance to prove to us they will show up for us and support us. This allows them a chance to become trustworthy. Examples may include asking someone to do a chore that we usually do ourselves, asking for help when it feels needed or inviting someone to spend more time with you. Over time, your body may recognise that it can be safe to trust this person (in certain ways) and allow them space in your life.

Before you embark on this, make sure to set your own boundaries. Think honestly, what it means to be a good friend, a good partner or good sibling (just to name some examples). Being aware of what you would expect from others, will allow you to assess whether others are able to treat you with respect and acknowledge your limits. Re-learning to trust someone can be a very important part of your trauma recovery journey.

If you feel ready to embark on your trauma recovery journey, get in touch today for a free consultation. Trauma is not something to tackle alone, so if this feels familar to you or someone you know, please consider getting in touch at: contact@taminacounselling.com