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Emotional Labour

Writer's picture: Tamina NothhelferTamina Nothhelfer
Relationships, Emotional Labour, Breakup, Tired, Anxious, Couple, Anxiety, Couples Therapy

Emotional labour can be a huge factor in relationship breakdowns. However, we ususally don’t recognise we are doing it.


In our relationships, emotional labor means managing and regulating our own emotions to support, comfort, or care for others. This is often without feeling were getting the same back or by sacrificing our own needs. In your relationship this might look like listening empathetically, offering reassurance, or hiding personal feelings to maintain harmony in the relationship.


In practice some examples are:

Friend A might hide their own stress to help Friend B through a difficult time. In doing so, Friend A might listen to Friend B, offer words of comfort, and avoid sharing their own struggles to ensure the Friend B feels supported. This can leave Friend A with unresolved feelings and may lead to feeling anxious and isolated.


In a romantic partnerships, one person may withhold their emotions or challenges from their parter to prevent adding to their partner’s stress. While on the surface hoping to foster peace and connection, the person withholding their feeling will feel isolated and sad, usually leading to feelings of anger and resentment.


Over time, emotional labor often becomes one-sided, one person continually supports the other without receiving equivalent empathy in return. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and even resentment.


While emotional labor initially is essential for building closeness and demonstrating empathy, it can become draining when it’s unacknowledged or imbalanced. This invisible work, when not reciprocated, often leaves someone feeling unheard, disrespected, and disregarded. The constant suppression of one's own needs and emotions can build up, creating emotional distance and eventually may contribute to relationship breakdowns.


Recognizing emotional labor and discussing it openly can be a powerful way to create balance in relationships. By sharing our emotional needs and supporting each other reciprocally, we can foster relationships that feel more fulfilling, respectful, and balanced.


If you and/or your partner(s) would like to further explore your relationships, get in contact today!

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