How to Validate Feelings

Learning to validate or really feel our feelings can be a very challenging thing to do.

Imagine, you had a rough day or even just a difficult work meeting. Maybe it feels familiar to say: this is not a big deal, I can manage, I'll be fine. While this might feel like a very average reaction, you have already started to dismiss your feelings.

Why does it matter?

Our body creates feelings as a response to the environment. Therefore they can be a great indicator that something is wrong. By denying or dismissing our feelings, we could potentially be missing out on important messages our body is sending to us, including signs of danger.

How do I notice my feelings?

If we are used to dimissing our feelings, it can become more difficult to notice them. This step-by-step guide provides some support in helping you notice and validate your feelings.

Step 1- Noticing changes in your Body

Changes in your body or bodily responses can be a good base indicator.

You may notice uneasy feelings, headaches or sudden tiredness, if you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

In a situation where you feel anxious you may notice feeling jittery, bored, uncomfortable or restless. This can also emerge as fiddling with objects around you, picking on your skin or feeling suddenly ill.

Step 2- Question the Sensation

Once you notice these changed in your body ask yourself: What's going on?

Maybe something has just happened to you or around you.

Continue by asking: What might this be a reaction to?

Questioning the origin of your feeling can help you identify the appropriate trigger for your stress/emotional reaction. At a later point this can help you provide a resolution to the situation.

Step 3- Validate the Feeling

Now that you have a better understanding of the feeling and its origin, ask yourself: Is it okay for me to feel this way?

This is typically the point where you may use statements such as "It doesn't matter", "I'm fine" or even "nobody cares".

Instead of brushing it aside, to validate the feeling, internally describe the situation to yourself, ex. my manager yelled at me today and it made me feel embarrassed. I understand why that made me feel embarrassed and I feel sad this happened.

Rather than trying to forget or diminish the incident, you allow yourself to feel acknowledged (even if just by yourself) and validate your experience.

Step 4- Resolution

The final step may be to provide a resolution to the issue. This could be having a discussion with other people involved or trying to find ways to avoid certain triggers in future.

At times, validating your experience can be sufficient to resolve an incident for yourself.

While these steps might sound simple, it can be an extremely difficult thing to do, especially if we aren't used to it. Professional support can help you create a better understanding of yourself and your needs. If this might feel relevant to you, get in touch today for a free consultation!